Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Great Snow Hysteria of '09

I'm sure we will have more snow hysteria this winter.
But seriously.
I really can't stress this enough.
There are about a million people in Milwaukee.
And I'm using Milwaukee collectively.
As in outlying areas and suburbs.
How is that you all FREAK OUT at the mention of an impending storm.
All the weather teams go into snow apocalypse mode.
Here are the facts, kids.
We live in Wisconsin.
A state that has a football field that is affectionately known as the Frozen Tundra.
We get snow.
We get ice.
We get rain.
We get sleet.
We get frozen rain.
We get temperatures that are below zero with and without the wind chill factor.
Or windshield factor as I used to say as child.
Sometimes it's a lot of snow.
Sometimes it's not so much.
Sometimes people have off of school/work because of snow.
Sometimes people drive like dickfaces in the snow.
We have to shovel.
We have to dig cars out of the snow.
We slip and fall on the ice because assy people don't shovel.

These are the facts.
Unless we are getting 5 feet of snow, i.e. the second ice age.
There is no need for all of this hysteria.
The streets will get plowed. It might take a while.
You might have to cancel an appointment.
Or go to work late.
The bottom line is, the freakouts need to stop.
And this is all people are talking about.
I feel like I'm in the movie Groundhog Day every year.
Because EVERY YEAR this happens.

Storm of the Century!
Storm of the Centruy!
And I wake up this morning to find that I can still see blades of grass through the snow in my backyard, the roads are wet, but I was still able to drive the speed limit.
And that was it.
Sure it's supposed to get a bit colder (like tonight!) and then the wet roads will freeze and it will be a little dangerous to go out. But most likely this will happen tonight, when we are sleeping.
And most likely roads will be plowed/salted/drive-able tomorrow when we all have to go to work and do it again.

Has no one read "The Long Winter" by Laura Ingalls Wilder? If the Ingalls can get through white-out snow (they had to have a rope from the house to the barn to find their way!), we can get through our first real snow fall.
Icy roads and all.

As a side note, it is snowing heavily right now.
Nothing that would stop me from going anywhere.
Mostly because I know how to drive and dress for the snow.

And while we're on this topic.
Can we please, PLEASE stop complaining about the cold.
And can we please stop making comments like "Where's the global warming here?"
If you don't like all four seasons, please move.
There are other states that are warmer and I would love to not hear you complain incessantly from October to April about the weather.

In other news.
Tiger Woods isn't Jesus!
How is this a shock to people?
After EVERYTHING we know about celebrities, nay, celebrities that are in the public eye and idolized, how is this a shocker?
I love the comment, "It's not that he had an affair. It's the amount of affairs he had."
So you think when a celebrity gets caught, it's just super unfortunate bad luck.
The first time they would ever cheat and they get caught.
I'm gonna go with a no.
The comment I really did love, however, was written by a former call-girl (writer for the Daily Beast) who stated that Tiger's problem was that he slept with star-fuckers. Okay so she didn't use the term star-fucker, but she stated he slept with people who wanted to be on his arm. If he would have chose a classy call girl, this wouldn't be an issue (most likely) because call girls don't stalk their clients, cause problems at home. Because, apparently, there is a call girl code of conduct, which is protecting the client at all costs.

Which makes me think Tiger is an even bigger narcissist, because he wants to be with ladies who actually WANT him, not just pretend to want him.

And since I love segways (the literary device, not the motorized device), at one of Obama's town hall meetings, a kid who looked as if he were about 16 asked the president if he's thought about decriminalizing gambling, prostitution, marijuana, and other non-violent victimless crimes. And while the whole crowd laughed at this idea, "Silly child" they were most likely thinking.

Why not?
To quote E, "It would be political suicide."
Would it?
Would bringing us out of the recession be political suicide?
People need to think out of the box for this. We are no longer an industrial country.
And what makes money?
And has been around since biblical times?
Gambling, prostitution, and drugs.
I've been saying it for years and I'll say it again.
I think if you legalize marijauna, tax the shit out of it, and donezo!
Economy fixed!
Is it that simple?
God I hope not, because if it were that simple we should all be kicking ourselves for not doing this 24 years ago.
But it is something I think needs to be looked into.
Even the police chief on Law and Order smokes pot for her cancer!

And prostitution, why not have it be legal?
I don't understand that at all.
Because it's sex?
Because it's sex out of marriage?
We're still up in arms about this?
Bah Humbug.