Thursday, March 1, 2012

Today At Work: Homeless Dating Site Business Proposal

An email thread from today...


Subject: RE: Cawfee Tawk
I think I’ll be glued to my desk for a while still… I do want to read this guy’s stuff though.

Any pictures of homeless men?
www.hmless_mn.com/datefinder (this is going to be my big money making site!)--“Matching homeless men with lovely ladies since ‘12”
WARNING: All homeless men have been lightly washed with wet naps and sprayed with Axe.
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We can go on photo shoots at Bradford Beach.  Get them to take their shirts off.
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I like to imagine that Random Hobos are circling your house, constantly looking for a way in. Maybe there’s a nest in the chimney?
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LIKE. You have to set a trap with Basic cigarettes and a cup of McDonald’s coffee.
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I feel like children shouldn’t go visit people in jail, unless it’s a parent. Is that elitist?

Rehab is different. Or is it? I don’t know. I’m all mixed up.
Let’s just talk about wet-napping homeless dudes.
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I think they’re scheduling a Scared Straight tour of our department for next month.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We’re exploiting these homeless dudes to facilitate ladies’ pleasure.
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We should make sure to include that on the site.
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That will also go on all the business cards.
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Make sure to put “pleasure” in a fancy cursive font like our wall quote. It makes it supes CLASSY.

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Okay, so say a lovely lady wants to meet up with a random hobo. How will she contact him? Leave a note in a tree?--
That’s where the “service” aspect comes in.  We’re the hobo-to-lonely lady middlemen.
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Hobos are rated in cigarettes instead of stars.
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So it’s like Jessica does with greyhounds. Lonely ladies tell you what they want and you’ll show the lady three hobos who fit that description. And maybe a bonus one that you think might work.

I think I’m catching on.
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These hobos need homes.
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That’s basically what okcupid does.

But with more hobos.
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