Thursday, March 1, 2012

Today At Work: Homeless Dating Site Business Proposal

An email thread from today...

Subject: RE: Cawfee Tawk
I think I’ll be glued to my desk for a while still… I do want to read this guy’s stuff though.

Any pictures of homeless men? (this is going to be my big money making site!)--“Matching homeless men with lovely ladies since ‘12”
WARNING: All homeless men have been lightly washed with wet naps and sprayed with Axe.
We can go on photo shoots at Bradford Beach.  Get them to take their shirts off.

I like to imagine that Random Hobos are circling your house, constantly looking for a way in. Maybe there’s a nest in the chimney?
LIKE. You have to set a trap with Basic cigarettes and a cup of McDonald’s coffee.
I feel like children shouldn’t go visit people in jail, unless it’s a parent. Is that elitist?

Rehab is different. Or is it? I don’t know. I’m all mixed up.
Let’s just talk about wet-napping homeless dudes.
I think they’re scheduling a Scared Straight tour of our department for next month.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We’re exploiting these homeless dudes to facilitate ladies’ pleasure.
We should make sure to include that on the site.
That will also go on all the business cards.
Make sure to put “pleasure” in a fancy cursive font like our wall quote. It makes it supes CLASSY.

Okay, so say a lovely lady wants to meet up with a random hobo. How will she contact him? Leave a note in a tree?--
That’s where the “service” aspect comes in.  We’re the hobo-to-lonely lady middlemen.
Hobos are rated in cigarettes instead of stars.
So it’s like Jessica does with greyhounds. Lonely ladies tell you what they want and you’ll show the lady three hobos who fit that description. And maybe a bonus one that you think might work.

I think I’m catching on.
These hobos need homes.
That’s basically what okcupid does.

But with more hobos.