Thursday, July 1, 2010

Nights Out: Adventures at Lee's

Most of you know that I'm a pretty functional alcholic.
I like to drink socially.
And for the longest time my watering hole was a little place in Bay View called Lee's.


People knew that is where I would be any given Friday or Saturday.
With my BFF, P.
And the usual suspects; J-Bones, JJ, and sometimes AA.
And lawdy were those good times.
Themed picture nights.
Knowing you had to play Sexy Sadie if you wanted to hear Helter Skelter.
Breaking glass.
Cempazuchi guy.

And then.
Then shit got weird.
It seemed the group kind of got out of focus.
And no one can remember what the breaking point was.
But we feel there was one.
And so a self-imposed Lee's sabbatical was taken.

And like our drinking, we don't take sabbaticals lightly.
So we missed out on some quality Lee's time.
So after one too many nights at one of the most boring bars in the world, we decided to try Lee's again.
And it felt oh-so-good.
Like your favorite pair of jeans.
Or Chuck Taylors.

Still knew our drinks.
Still the same regs (for the most part).
But you know the saying.
The more things stay the same--
The more they change.
Okay so that is not the saying, but I like it.
Doorman is in jail!
Trifecta found God!
BT is the owner of the bar!
Credit Cards!
Internet jukebox!
Hearts hearts hearts a flutter.

Needless to say, we've decided to end said sabbatical and call Lee's our home once again.
And we love it.
Sure shit can still get wierd, but it's all in good fun.
And how can you stop going to a place where the whole bar sings along to "Your Love" by the Outfield AND Motown Philly by Boyz II Men.
You can't.
Plain and simple.
You must go there always and forever (which I can't wait to play on the juke box).

But I think the best part of Lee's is that P and I are feel as if we are in a movie/tv show every time we go.
We can't believe who we see and what they do.
And perhaps with a little too much self awareness, we wonder where we fit in the mix.

Last Lee's Experience:
(which I'm pretty sure could become a regular feature in this blog)
Jbones meets P and I there. Things are going fine, putting ridick songs on the juke box, catching up and then a scarf comment.
A Tom Selleck ala Magnum PI asks if he can compliment me on my scarf.

Jj: Here we go. Sure.
TS: Um, I like your scarf.
Clearly he didn't think his initial statement through.

Then TS's sidekick, who looks almost exactly like Jay from Jay and Silent Bob but with some weird south-side slash west coast accent starts BFFing with Jbones. The guy's harmless enough if not completely wasted. P and I were mostly happy that he was chatting up Jbones and not us.

And in walk two guys to which Jbones turns to me and says "Tears for Fears."

And we all starts singing "Everybody Wants to Rule the World."
Because these guys looked, with our boozy glasses, like Tears for Fears.

In all fairness, it should be noted that we've seen our fair of tribute artists/look-a-likes at Lee's so this has become somewhat of an obsession:
John Denver ala Muppets Christmas Album

 Cat Stevens

Kenny Loggins

 Lynyrd Skynrd band

And later in the night, because apparently the 80s moon was out:

Duran Duran tribute band.
Complete with groupies who didn't have state issued id's but passports.
Ooh la la.
It was all P and I could do from playing every Duran Duran song on the juke box.
Fortunately we had already spent all of our money on "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" which was P's response to DMB that was playing, which I have to whole-heartedly agree with. Schmaltzy Bryan Adams is better than DMB or reggae any day. We also played "Angry Eyes," the instrumental version of "Invisible Touch," "Easy Lover," "Wonderwall," (complete with British accents!), "King of the Road," "Crying," and way too many other songs to recount this amount of time later.

Songs playing, laughter ensuing and Blondy McDrunktown sits next to P.
And she then proceeds to complement all of us:
To P: Purse or bangles or earrings.
Jj: Scarf, "It reminds me of Colorado." (??? Like I said, Blondy McDrunktown)
Jbones: Glasses.
She then proceeds to tell us she usually doesn't go out so she's a little tipsy.
This girl is pretty much at the bar to get h-core effed.
So we decide to keep an eye on BMcD while still eavesdropping on the TS and the southside/west coast Jay.
Good times are had and then the eggs are broken out.

No one can eat 50 eggs.
And as luck would have it, BMcD couldn't eat any eggs.
BT tells us that he bought the eggs for jocularity.
It's a gag (literally and figuratively!) that people will dare each other to eat/drink when they're good and drunk. The whole tub of pickled eggs was bought at some reasonable price and it's funny to watch people gag them down.
Down being the operative word.

As BT is passing out eggs like it's Easter Sunday, BMcD asks for one.
P and I can see no good coming from this but it's like a god-damn trainwreck.
A conversation ensues and all of a sudden I see BMcD turn and spit the egg out.
Jj: Is she spitting or is she puking?
P turns to look.
P: Uh.
Conversation stops and we decide to watch BMcD coyly spit out the egg while trying to seal the deal with some random she's sitting next to.
And then there is no question as to whehter she's spitting up like an infant or vomitting.
Emesis has ensued.
Quite frankly, P and I can't believe this just happened.
I not-so-coyly flag BT down and he watches round two.
She then grabs the bar towel and proceeds to wipe her mouth, chest and pants off.
She then thrown said bar towel on her pile of vom.
We continue to watch as the guy she's sitting with has either ignored the emesis or finds this a turn on bukake style. One can never tell these days.
We then watch her tell BT that she's vommed on the floor. She very blondly apologizes and leave.
By herself, thank god.

Full disclosure.
I'm a puker.
I've puked at various bars in Milwaukee.
Strike that, I've puked in various toilets in various bathrooms in various bars in Milwaukee.
I've never puked AT a bar.
Hells, I've never puked when anyone can even HEAR me.
I'm stealthy.
And if you're an adult.
You should know when you have to make a break for it.
There are signs.
Pupils dilate.
Mouth salivates.
And unless vomitting is a new phenomenon to you.
You know when it's about to hit.

Needless to say, closing time was an adventure, as it usually is.

1 comment:

  1. Good times, good times. I feel like I was there. You have to play "Always and Forever" next time. AND say "hi" to Cat Stevens for me. Love you.