Friday, January 4, 2013

On Disappointment

It seems like it was only yesterday that I was pining for a position that I interviewed for, thought I would actually be good at, AND actually wanted.

The times, they are a-changing.

It was brought to my attention today from my HR rep, that not only did I not get the job.
I didn't even advance on to the second round.

A status update on facebook, some insider info, and I feel a little better.
But not much.
While it's nice to cling to those "Something  better is on the way!"
"It wasn't meant to be!" it's not necessarily guaranteed is it?

I suppose these sentiments could be true.
But it could also be true that I lose my job, and die a homeless person.
In which case, something better wouldn't be on the way.

It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiments.
I do, I really REALLY do.
And this whole short stay at Pity-Me Pines has me thankful for the things that I do have:

Friends! Super duper awesome friends who loan me money and buy me drinks when I have zero dollahs.
An awesome flat in an awesome neighborhood!
Two ridiculous dogs!
A secret trip to murdershack/rapecave/Chicago/??? with a bf who is cute/funny/smart and actually seems to dig me!
An actual job with friends who keep me sane and sometimes wish I could see outside of the workday!

But the whole "it gets better" is really something only privileged people can say.
Because it doesn't always get better.

I'm extremely grateful to be privileged enough to believe that things will get better.
Fresh start. All that mumbo jumbo.
And in all honesty, I might be a secret optimist. And maybe that's why me not even advancing has really gotten to me. Do they even know how super awesome I am to work with and just know generally???

In other news
Vegan Challenge:
 Day three! Even had the Stone Creek barista check the chai to make sure there wasn't any honey!
Veggie burgers and pasta are saving my broke arse right now. But thus far, I feel good. I'm not overly tired. I think the The Vegan Slowcooker is going to save my life and I can't wait to stock up on groceries to make almost everything in it. Even when this challenge is over.

Grade came in. While it's not a grade most grad students would be proud, after my semester of nervous breakdowns (including one during a meeting with said professor), falling behind, and general inefficiency--I really, really couldn't be happier. AND! I'm actually excited for the new semester to begin! Feminism and US Film!?!?! Splooge central.

Maybe me not getting this job is subtle hint to pursue the PhD? Unsure at this point. Need to utilize my ovaries and not be such a baby about everything (CFPs, writing in general). Will keep you posted.

Try not to pee with excitement.

My bittersweet Brew Crew. How I love thee.
Nosebleed 10-pack will be purchased and I promise to follow you more closely.
But not necessarily spring training, cos we all know that is no great predictor.
(biting nails, shaking knee)

1 comment:

  1. Don't worry about it, man. My dad always says that there's no such thing as failure, but rather unripened opportunities.. or something like that. In his view, if there is something I really wanted and I didn't get it for whatever reason, there is no point in me feeling pissed, depressed, or like I failed in someway. All it means is that there is something more suitable waiting to be realized and all I need is simply the patience to allow it to come my way. It sounds like a bunch of bullshit and I wouldn't hesitate to tell him that at the time when I was in the throes of my depression and world-hate. However, as most parents happen to be, he was right. Something better usually did come along. It's hard to see it now, but I promise you, when the time comes, you'll remember these events fondly and appreciate them for the stepping stones that they are.

    Have a wonderful weekend, my dear! <3

    - Anna