Things I've Learned

I know.
I know.
It's been a while.
A real long while.

So much has happened.
I've made life decisions.
People have died.
I've some things:

• I've learned my insurance sucks.
• I've learned I truly want to go back to school.
• I've learned my love for pretty boys has only intensified.
• I've learned that maybe atheism (or agnosticism) isn't, maybe, that bad of an option for me.
• I've learned that death & dying is not how it is in the movies.
• I've learned that nothing is appropriate when it come to death/dying/funerals.
• I've learned that funerals are not planned with the dead person in mind, but with whoever is planning the funeral in mind.
• I've learned that I'm pretty awesome according to my nephew.
• I've learned that budgets get some getting used to, but aren't the worst thing in the world.
• I've learned that my parents, although almost divorced, are totes awesome.
• I've learned that no matter how old I am, I hate that I have friends who move away.
• I've learned that reading can still surprise me.
• I've learned that I still love having dates with myself.
• I've learned that I'm no longer 25, nor can I party like a 25 year old.
• I've learned that Pearl Jam is still amazing for all intensive purposes.

I think that pretty much brings us up to speed.
And now for the elaborations.
(You didn't think I was just going to leave you with that did you? Silly rabbit.)

I've learned my insurance sucks.
As some of you may know, I get my insurance through E. And as I'm sure most of you know, E works for Starbucks. Well thanks to this awesome recession, Starbucks felt the need to save more money, and in the process dick over their employees, with quite possibly the worlds worst insurance.

I have narrow, crooked ear canals. This means wax cannot come out of my ears like it does with other people. So it gets stuck in there and it makes me deaf. Not totes deaf, but it basically becomes impossible for me to eavesdrop on anyone's conversation, which is a great, great joy of mine. So when I was finally able to get onto E's insurance the first thing I did was schedule an appointment to get my ears cleaned out. I've done this numerous time before with the old insurance and this wasn't a problem, I would pay the $30 co-pay and call it a day. So imagine my surprise when I learned that there was no co-pay for this visit. The co-pay is figured out after the visit. Having no idea how insurance works I shrugged my shoulders and waited.

The JD/MD looked at my ears, confirmed that they were, indeed clogged, and brought in the MA to do the dirty work. I apologized profusely as it's a disgusting job, it has to be worse than looking at cooters.

Things are going great. I can hear! I can eavesdrop! I can turn down the volume on everything in the house! It's a miracle I say, A MIRACLE!

And then.
The bill comes.
And it's $140.
That's right, WITH INSURANCE.
I can hardly believe it and decide to wait to see if this is truly a bill or just a statement of benefits.
Well then the bill comes and it's still $140.
An irate Jj calls up the old insurance company to ask them WTF is going on.
A half an hour later I learn our insurance is great if I want to have a baby because the $4000 I have to spend for a co-pay to take place would be gone in an instant. But since I'm relatively healthy, and plan on going to the JD/MD once or twice a year (or never again as the case may be), having this insurance is an incredibly bad deal. E's paying about $260 a month for me to be on the insurance, which is only "good" if I get cancer, become pregnant or get raped/murdered.
SUCK.

I've learned I truly want to go back to school.
This is a true story.
It all began with my friends going back to school. There is nothing I love more than notebooks and pens and buying books for ridiculously academic classes.
LOVES IT.
So I did a little digging in regards to the UWM Modern Studies program. Which, yes, is a ridiculously academic route and basically if I get accepted it would mean I would become a college professor. But it would be studying everything I love and can only talk to select people about: theory! movies! culture!
Oh swoon swoon swoon.
But here is the tricky part:
Since I kind of haphazardly made my way through school the first time, doing fairly well in classes I enjoyed, writing the bare minimum for essays (but still getting good grades, mind you). I have almost nothing to get me into grad school.
Missing most notably:

• The academic paper that is at least 10 pages long: The graduate assistant told me I could submit the six page paper that I have, but I don't even like that paper, so I would just be submitting it because of it's length. E told me I should just write a brand new 10 page paper, which seemed incredibly daunting at first, but considering my hatred for the Twilight series and love of feminism I thought I could easily get it done.

• Three academic recommendation letters: Apparently everyone knows you don't need three "academic" academic rec. letters. Most people use an employer that can talk about your work ethic, your ability to learn, etc. But you do need at least two professors. And for someone who's been out of the college scene for five years, I thought, and so did my email contact, this could prove difficult.

But then, hark! She recommended something that seemed like a perfect fit:
Non-degree Specialty Student.
The application is $15, they are always accepting applications, I can basically take any class I want, and although she didn't say it in so many words, I do well in the classes get the profs to write me letters and maybe get a 10 page paper out of the process?
eh? Eh? EH?
The caveat is that most often there is 0% financial aid, so I would be paying out of pocket, so that is a little daunting, but also so exciting. Because if there is one thing I think I would be good at, it's being a professional student.

I've learned my love for pretty boys has only intensified.
I know this will seem like I'm forsaking all of my previous hatred-filled sentiments for the Twilight series, but here it is:
I think Robert Pattinson is Totes McGotes dreamsicle pie.
Sears Tower.
I've now taken to watching Twilight on HBO and fast forwarding to the parts that he is in.
Is he a total pretty boy?
Of course.
Plus, I thought the movie did a fairly good job of adapting the book to the screen. And let us not forget that I didn't start hating-hating the books until 2-ish, but mostly 3 and 4. This is also apparent in the second film, which I just saw. Not nearly as good as the first, and a little too cheeseball for me. Directed like a horror film, and Carter Burwell didn't do the music.
And here's some trivia for you, Carter Burwell also did the music for perhaps the prettiest pretty boy movie ever made: Velvet Goldmine.
It still doesn't make me like the books any better, although I do kind of like Alice's hair.

I've learned that maybe atheism (or agnosticism) isn't, maybe, that bad of an option for me.
Shit's gonna get deep here.
As you may have guessed from the list of things I've learned posted above, my grandma died.
My grandma, and her four daughters are all extremely religious. My dad used to be extremely religious, but has fallen away from that. I'm not here to judge other people's beliefs, but watching her hang on, hang on, hang on, even though the doctors expected her to go within hours of all of us being there, two days later she was still "alive" and I'm using that term to indicate that she was breathing. And I'm looking at her, and listening to my aunts' pray and I'm thinking, this isn't about god. This is about science. This is her body doing everything it can to keep her alive, because that is what your body does. If god wanted her to come "home" (and let me just say I'm completely sick of that terminology) he would have taken her. Presumably faster than he did. What happened/didn't happen that he needed her to stay here?I'm not here to sit and argue the ins and outs of belief systems, and I do like the thought of an afterlife, but at the end there was no beauty or grace. It just happened in a hospital bed while her kids were sleeping  most of her kids were sleeping, her eldest was awake.


I've learned that death & dying is not how it is in the movies.
Oh but how I wish it were.
So as it is, the matriarch is dying and that brings EVERYONE here to Milwaukee. Which is ridick, because you would think something happier could do that like a holiday but instead it's to say goodbye, and we hope/are told that she can hear us because hearing is the last sense to go. Which I also got so sick of hearing.
I was glad that my brother came down, however, as we always have a good time and feel like we are the outcasts because we come the boy-child, and we lived "up north." And he and I are never afraid to be inappropriate.
Plus he brought my nephew, who is hilarious, so I was glad to have some light-heartedness there. We both decided that if this WERE a movie. E would proprose and that would wake Grandma up OR Grandma would die but our parents would get back together.
We laugh through the pain in this family.
All I wanted to do for this whole affair was have a video camera and record everything. Record the inappropriate jokes my brother and I were making, record the hysterics of my cousin, EW, record everyone going to town on their subs in the waiting room, because while we were waiting for grandma to die for 8 hours most of us forgot to eat. I wish someone would have recorded the stories that were told or not told as they weren't deemed "appropriate" to the situation. I felt it would have made a really good documentary, if not for dysfunctional families everywhere, at least for ours. Maybe the next time someone dies. Meh?
(Too soon?)

I've learned that nothing is appropriate when it come to death/dying/funerals.
My grandma was a completely ridiculous person. When she was with it, she loved hosting Christmas, loved having visitors, was fieircely independent and told inappropriate stories to anyone who would listen:

• The one where she didn't know gay people were real.
• The one where she had lesbians and a collie living across the street.
• The one where about her wedding night.
• The one about anal.
• The one about oral.
• The one about when she thought she was pregnant even though she never took off her underpants (I presume someone was dry-effing here).
• The one where she smoked pot.
• The one where she would drink a case of beer, and then cook all night.
• The one where she shot holes in the ceiling.

None of these were deemed appropriate to even discuss while reminiscing about her in private company. Sorry, I didn't want to continuously think about her just watching game shows while she lived by herself. I preferred thinking about when she was able to drive and be ridiculous. So I did that, I just did it in my head, or with my dad, rather than with anyone else.


I've learned that funerals are not planned with the dead person in mind, but with whoever is planning the funeral in mind.
My grandma, being the frank lady that she was, talked about how she wanted her funeral to go. She wanted specific music played, she wanted people to laugh and to sing.
Needless to say, this was not how her funeral went. Before the actual service, some music was on, but I can't remember what. I do remember I heard "Bridge Over Troubled Water" which she liked, but that was it. There was no Jim Loving, no Statler Brothers (they were on her list she had specifically written, "Even Jim Loving!!!" because she knew how we all felt about him). I did hear some Statler Brothers after the service by my mom and I thought that was kind not enough. Which is why I'm determined to put the F-U-N back in funeral. Mark my words. You will have a good time. Of course I guess it all depends who plans it because if my wishes are not followed, I will haunt you. And it will not be a cute haunting, it will be a horror movie haunting. My favorite directive that came was that if you wanted to say something at the funeral you had to have it pre-approved and it had to be christ-centered. I wasn't planning on saying anything anyway, becasue I don't go for grand shows of emotion, and I don't need to wax poetic and what an awesome lady she was. Not that there is anything wrong in wanting to do that, my cousin KJC did write and read something that was quite lovely, however. But I definitely didn't want to say anything that had to be "approved." Homey don't play that.

And in case you're keeping score at home, I wasn't a huge fan of the "Try Jesus" booklets that were laying out next to the cheese and crackers. Nor was I a fan of them being brought to Famous Dave's after the internment (it was her favorite restaurant) and being placed on the table. Seriously? Come on.


I've learned that I'm pretty awesome according to my nephew.
Somehow I've become besties with my newphew S. I don't know what I did to earn this award, but at the big dinner we had the night she didn't die but thought she would, S stole my dad's chair and announced to his mom and dad that he was going to sit next to uncle jj, after taking forever to pick out what he wanted for dinner, he signed Z's cast, announced to us that he wanted an x-ray machine so he can look at his bones (one with wheels), and that he wanted a popsicle, becuase he loves popsicles.
"Who doesn't love popsicles?" I asked him. He then proceeded to ask the table if they loved popsicles. Which was hysterical. He was my buddy at the hospital too, playing go fish with me and wondering where my whereabouts were whenever I was not in sight. Heartzoes.


I've learned that budgets get some getting used to, but aren't the worst thing in the world.
It's true. We actually have, nay, use our savings account now. We actually can see some stuff getting done in our house in the next couple of months (might the foyer be complete one day?). We might actually be able to afford me going to school with no financial aid, provided we stick to the budget. Both E and I are horrible at having cash on us. We've grown accustomed to not being able to use the debit card unless we are 1000% sure that we do not have the money reserved for anything else (which it usually is). So when E has money he wants to spend it immediately. I only want to spend it after I've had it about a week, like if it's been in my wallet a week, it's time to go spend it, usually on booze with PO while watching a business deal go down with the hipster Jonas brothers.

I've learned that my parents, although almost divorced, are totes awesome.
Okay so this is because there was a death, and I'm full of sentimental tacky crap--"I Just Called To Say I Love You." But it's true, even though my parents are currently going through the longest divorce known to mankind, I think they are awesome. M. laughed at my fake mourning outfit, and D forgave me for not answering the phone at 6:30 in the morning (it was turned off in my defense). They are both hilarious and I feel like although I'm a disappointment to myself on a consistent basis, I'm not a disppointment to them.
Or.
If I am a disppointment to them, they hide it extremely well.


I've learned that no matter how old I am, I hate that I have friends who move away.
It's true. I've lived through this most of my adult life, and I still can't seem to get over it.
First J&P, leaving a gaping whole in our hearts and livers, then E&M whose parties provided years of storytelling and ridick-ness, and now M&Z--better known as my CSPBFFs. I realize that this is all very selfish of me, and that this is for their greater good (or so they say. jk jk jk) and I'm acting like a five year old, but I don't like it. I prefer sedentary people and cannot begin to tell you the excitement I felt when I learned that PO wanted to go to grad school here in MKE. Because it means, if I get into grad school, I will have a college buddy.
Anys.
To M&Z (CSPBFFs):
I wish you the most of luck in selling your fabulous homes and I'm sure we will run into each other someday on the flip side.
(I tried to make that as cool as possible. I'm pretty sure I failed miserably.)


I've learned that reading can still surprise me.
As some of you know, I've taken on reading all the books in the Washington Park libes. Okay maybe not ALL the books. I'm not reading the instruction manuals to C+++ or the Idiot's guide to Java but I'm going in order alphabetically for ficitons and I'm currently in the zeroes for non-ficitons. While I expected to find some interesting reads, I have to say I've read books I never would have read (Arab-American Women's fiction! historical fiction! gay-esque fiction! okay so I probably would have read that one) and learned a thing or two in the process. I'm currently in what I have to call "the unexplained" section of the dewey decimal system as the last couple of non-fiction books I have read have been about the unknown. Currently I'm reading about the Japanese equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle, which I actually did a presentation on as a 4th grader. Full circle, kiddos. I can't sing the praises of the library enough, and that is the one thing I miss about being unemployed (okay maybe it's not THE one thing I miss, but it's A thing I miss), is going to the library and hanging.
I've really taken to reading rather than watching drivel on the telly, which I rather enjoy, because while I do enjoy drivel, especially that which features pretty men, it can feel like your brain is turning into gelatin.
And as a strict vegetarian, that doesn't sit well with me.

I've learned that I still love having dates with myself.
Back in college, when I was single, I would date myself all the time. I loved it. I would take myself out to dinner, or maybe rent a movie or make something really good to eat. Or maybe just read. Anyway, it was great and I loved it and I hadn't had one in a long time, or at least something that I designated as a date with myself. But then...
A couple of weeks ago, I found myself in the precarious position of needing a ride after a night with the girls. Luckily someone was going by way of Mayfair and I had a luncheon date at one there, and while I thought I would get there at 11 in the morning, I ended up getting there at 9-ish. Never to fear. I had a bagel and some coffee and as a "reader" I had a book with me. Making my Sunday morning quite enjoyable. I read for about an hour and then I remembered they show movies for $5 before noon on the weekends. So I mosied up the stairs to see if there was anything I could fathom paying $5 for.
And there it was. Two choices: Sherlock Holmes or It's Complicated.
I couldn't for the life of me remember what It's Complicated was about so I went with Sherlock Holmes, which I might say, was pure delight. Robert Downey Jr. is awesome, it had a great occult twist which I loved, and I'm starting to like Rachel McAdams, who is Canadian, if you were wondering.
I recommend to anyone who likes British things, action and a decent story.
By the time the movie ended it was time to go to, what now was the last luncheon with my grandma, but it was a good time none the less. I probably will never have timing that perfect ever again, but it made me realize how movies and dates by yourself are great.


I've learned that I'm no longer 25, nor can I party like a 25 year old.
What a drag it is getting old.
Cue sitar music.
So the reason I found myself in the position of needing a ride, which ultimately led to a great Sunday was because I got so smashed on Saturday night that I couldn't walk.
I passed out while sitting up, had difficulties crawling and could not for the life of me muster the wherewithal to walk outside with a friend who was offering to drive me home. PO, bestie that she is let me stay over where I woke up feeling fine and ready to take on the world.
The saddest part was that I didn't even think I drank that much. But there I was the almost 30 year-old passed out like the olds that I am.
Boozeoes.
Boozoes.
I've tempered myself quite well since and am preparing for the liver destruction that is WFVIII--The Ocho.


I've learned that Pearl Jam is still amazing for all intensive purposes.
I cannot get enough of their album "Backspacer." Do you like rock and roll? Then you will like this album. My hope is that they will tour and I will get to see them yet again, because they have yet to play a lackluster show. Does this make me a huge nerd? Most likely, but I'm not going to deny it. It's good rock music. And I like, nay, love good rock music.

The Great Snow Hysteria of '09

I'm sure we will have more snow hysteria this winter.
But seriously.
I really can't stress this enough.
There are about a million people in Milwaukee.
And I'm using Milwaukee collectively.
As in outlying areas and suburbs.
How is that you all FREAK OUT at the mention of an impending storm.
All the weather teams go into snow apocalypse mode.
Here are the facts, kids.
We live in Wisconsin.
A state that has a football field that is affectionately known as the Frozen Tundra.
We get snow.
We get ice.
We get rain.
We get sleet.
We get frozen rain.
We get temperatures that are below zero with and without the wind chill factor.
Or windshield factor as I used to say as child.
Sometimes it's a lot of snow.
Sometimes it's not so much.
Sometimes people have off of school/work because of snow.
Sometimes people drive like dickfaces in the snow.
We have to shovel.
We have to dig cars out of the snow.
We slip and fall on the ice because assy people don't shovel.

These are the facts.
Unless we are getting 5 feet of snow, i.e. the second ice age.
There is no need for all of this hysteria.
The streets will get plowed. It might take a while.
You might have to cancel an appointment.
Or go to work late.
The bottom line is, the freakouts need to stop.
And this is all people are talking about.
I feel like I'm in the movie Groundhog Day every year.
Because EVERY YEAR this happens.

Storm of the Century!
Storm of the Centruy!
And I wake up this morning to find that I can still see blades of grass through the snow in my backyard, the roads are wet, but I was still able to drive the speed limit.
And that was it.
Sure it's supposed to get a bit colder (like tonight!) and then the wet roads will freeze and it will be a little dangerous to go out. But most likely this will happen tonight, when we are sleeping.
And most likely roads will be plowed/salted/drive-able tomorrow when we all have to go to work and do it again.

Has no one read "The Long Winter" by Laura Ingalls Wilder? If the Ingalls can get through white-out snow (they had to have a rope from the house to the barn to find their way!), we can get through our first real snow fall.
Icy roads and all.

As a side note, it is snowing heavily right now.
Nothing that would stop me from going anywhere.
Mostly because I know how to drive and dress for the snow.

And while we're on this topic.
Can we please, PLEASE stop complaining about the cold.
And can we please stop making comments like "Where's the global warming here?"
If you don't like all four seasons, please move.
There are other states that are warmer and I would love to not hear you complain incessantly from October to April about the weather.

In other news.
Tiger Woods isn't Jesus!
How is this a shock to people?
Really?
Really?
After EVERYTHING we know about celebrities, nay, celebrities that are in the public eye and idolized, how is this a shocker?
I love the comment, "It's not that he had an affair. It's the amount of affairs he had."
Really.
So you think when a celebrity gets caught, it's just super unfortunate bad luck.
The first time they would ever cheat and they get caught.
I'm gonna go with a no.
The comment I really did love, however, was written by a former call-girl (writer for the Daily Beast) who stated that Tiger's problem was that he slept with star-fuckers. Okay so she didn't use the term star-fucker, but she stated he slept with people who wanted to be on his arm. If he would have chose a classy call girl, this wouldn't be an issue (most likely) because call girls don't stalk their clients, cause problems at home. Because, apparently, there is a call girl code of conduct, which is protecting the client at all costs.

Which makes me think Tiger is an even bigger narcissist, because he wants to be with ladies who actually WANT him, not just pretend to want him.

And since I love segways (the literary device, not the motorized device), at one of Obama's town hall meetings, a kid who looked as if he were about 16 asked the president if he's thought about decriminalizing gambling, prostitution, marijuana, and other non-violent victimless crimes. And while the whole crowd laughed at this idea, "Silly child" they were most likely thinking.

But.
Why not?
To quote E, "It would be political suicide."
Would it?
Would bringing us out of the recession be political suicide?
People need to think out of the box for this. We are no longer an industrial country.
And what makes money?
And has been around since biblical times?
Gambling, prostitution, and drugs.
I've been saying it for years and I'll say it again.
I think if you legalize marijauna, tax the shit out of it, and donezo!
Economy fixed!
Is it that simple?
God I hope not, because if it were that simple we should all be kicking ourselves for not doing this 24 years ago.
But it is something I think needs to be looked into.
Even the police chief on Law and Order smokes pot for her cancer!

And prostitution, why not have it be legal?
I don't understand that at all.
Because it's sex?
Because it's sex out of marriage?
We're still up in arms about this?
Seriously?
Bah Humbug.

Why I love Don Draper

Maybe I was in a weird place night, drinking boxed wine and eating homemade tostadas (I really don't think I will ever buy pre-made tostada shells again!), E was in the other room and I settled in for a night of catching up on my favorite television shows.

I should preface by saying that while by and large I do love Mad Men, some shows are kind of hit or miss. But this episode.
This episode drew me in.
It was almost like a movie, complete with happy-ish ending.
I loved it.

And.

I'm gonna say it.

I love Don Draper.
I love his character, even though everything in me as a feminist says I shouldn't.
But he's dreamy!
He's a bad boy!
Sometimes he likes his kids!
He's successful!
He's good at his job!

So while my love of Don Draper is unabashed, I can't help wondering why I like him. Do his looks trump everything? It's similar to the movie High Fidelity.
You're rooting for John Cusack.
But why?
He's a horrible horrible person.
And even though you know this about him, something still draws you in.
Is it cos you know deep down John Cusack=Lloyd Dobler?
I don't know.
I can't explain it. I have no such history with Don Draper.
Nothing in the show indicates that he will eventually be a good person.
He continues to drink and smoke like a banshee (but who looks better doing it? eh? Eh? EH?)
He continues to have mistresses.
He has started taking a more active role in his kids' life, which I guess is a bonus, but could also be related to him effing the teacher.
Yet there I was enthralled in this season-ender.

So.
This last episode got me thinking.
Do I hate Betty simply because she's with Don and I'm a jealous viewer?
She gets to look at Don the whole time the tv is off and I'm relegated to just viewing him for 44 minutes on a Sunday night?
I will be the first to admit.
I'm a totally jealous person, being a perpetual have-not, it's really REALLY easy to do.
But then it hit me.
I don't like Betty's character because she's a thank-less whiner.
She's weak.
She lets thinks happen TO her rather than just doing them.
Even her affair is/was passive.
There is no depth to her, unlike the other female characters on the show.
Rather than moving up, like every other main woman character on the show, she's moving laterally, or stationarily (is that even a word?).
It's like a friend that just keeps making the same mistake with a different name.
Except she's not my friend, but yet I have to hear about it constantly (or at least every Sunday for 44 minutes).
I know!
It's like my annoying co-worker who is a total martyr for EVERY effing cause in the world, and you would never talk to this person otherwise, but there you are, trapped on a lunch break and you have to hear all of her "Woe is me" tales, except you could give two flying f-bombs about her life.
That is exactly how the Betty Draper situation is.
Except I can turn Mrs. Draper off.
I never do, but the option is always there.

The Never-Ending Recession

And I'm back.
I wish I had lots to say.
What I've been up to.
What's the latest news from Joe.
Unfortunately.
Unemployment is now in double digits, and I have to say.
I feel kind of left out.
Because technically I should be part of that scene, you know?
Ooh!
Ooh!
I DID make the realization that I am probably one of the 9 million UNDERemployed today.
So thank god for that.
This blog is not for naught.


It turns out that people still love to party during the recession.
We still have beer and boxed wine left over from Halloween!
SCORE!
And as an added bonus we spent less at the grocery store than I expected.
Hizzah!

The party, after much internal worrying (why I do these things to myself, I will never know) was a smashing success.
And by smashing, I mean everyone was sufficiently smashed by the end of the night.
And we were performing smash hits of every era.
Without the karaoke television.
Because apparently that tv was another victim of the recession.
We don't know why it doesn't work anymore, but it doesn't.
JT had the brills idea that we should just sing without the tv, because this is what the party derails to anyway, and since I was lit from the delicious sangria M&Z had served at the party of the first part, I was all in for this.

I got to catch up with old mates, my house was full of dogs for part of the party, and all my besties were there.
Well.
Almost all of them:
My mom couldn't make it because of my aunt's party.
LN couldn't make it because there is a recession and gas is expensive.
MG couldn't make the party of the second part because she had KG duty.
Being a parent sure cuts into the fun having time.
I know this much is true.

In other news.
E and I are still broke, but I think we're getting better at it.
The party was hard to finance but I don't think people even realized we didn't have the ridick spread we usually do, and I have to give M&Z major props for having some of the most delicious food ever served at a party. DELICIOUS!
SCRUMTULESCENT!

And in frugal gourmet news:
We learned how to can.
Aww yeah.
Color us thrifty.
Or possibly poisoned with botulism.
We don't know!
While we don't have a pressure CANNER, we have a pressure COOKER.
A pressure cooker with no gague. So we really have no idea what pressure things were cooked at, or how long REALLY things should be cooked for.
We found out our pressure cooker (most pressure cookers, really) cook at about 15psi.
So we're hoping this one does too.
We then found a recipe similar to the one we were making and copied the cooking time.
And then we canned.
Awwww lawdy did we can.

We're hoping we'll be fine as there are many other ways to get botulism that I just read about and since I haven't gotten botulism yet, I'm thinking I might have an immunity.
Jk folks, jk.
But seriously.
8 pints of tomato sauce later we are stocked for this winter!!!
False.
We are stocked for like 2 weeks.
Maybe.
But we are very exicted (already) for next summer to can salsa, and more sauce using super fly and super fresh ingredients.
PLUS! Since we now know how easy it is to can, I think I will ask for a REAL canner from Jolly Old St. Nicholas. And then my mind will be free of botulism worries.

Frugal fall gourmet:
Made my annual batch of pumpkin-curry soup.
So delicious and it really makes a lot.
I WOULD can it, but darnzoes, I made it with butter.
And I have no idea if pumpkin soup would can well even if I made it with olive oil.
Things to think about people.
Well if you're poor anyway.

Recession Part III; Week One

Where have you been?
Why haven't you posted.
By now, I would hope that the readers of this blog are used to my sporadic postings.
You bloggers with real jobs and families that blog everyday just for the "love of it" amaze me.
Actually people with real jobs amaze me.
"The pay phone outside always amazes me"
If you can tell me what move the above quote is from, you will win a prize!

Well I can tell you what I have been up to:

• saving the neighborhood from fire
• making and freezing soup
• taking part in neighborhood activities begrudgingly
• getting my foster dog adopted (this weekend!)
• closing Miller Park
• reading a pretty bad book from the library
• recovering from a two phase sickness
• being a dance-dance-dance-dance-dancin' machine (watchyagetdown, watchyagetdown)
• getting keys at my job (looks like somebody's a for-real employee!)
• planning my annual halloween party--co-hosted this year by my CSPBFF, MG!
• being text-stalked on the MCTS.
  

So it's not as if I've just been lazing about. Well the recovering part of sickness, yes, but for the most part even my last Brewer games (sigh.) were listened to/watched while cleaning our incessant mess of a house.

Before I delve into the details of what has been going on, I should say why this is the third (but let's be real, most likely not final) part of the recession. For October is the month that we start with our budget. Our for-real, make or break budget to get us out of debt. Not all debt, but at least credit card debt. I've asked you once, and I will ask you again. Please bear with us as we deny activities because we're picking up extra shifts, or if we can't go out because we blew our going-out money for the month (oh yes, we have a wee bit budgeted for) on strippers and cocaine.
That last part was a joke people. It would be whores.
Stripper+coke=whores
Or, you know, we blew our going out money on dog food. That is probably a little bit more likely.
On to bigger, less depressing things.

We don't need to water, let the mother fucker burn. Burn mother fucker, burn.
I had a wee bit of cash left over from my cousin's wedding and I decided I really liked the way nail polish looked on my fingers. However, it kept chipping and chipping. After two days of wearing it I looked like a hooker.
So I called the one who knows all about beauty and glamour.
David Bowie.
Jk jk.
PO.
She advised me that a base and top coat were necessary.
So off I went to Target to find a base and top coat (PO advised to not get the 2-in-1).
And that is when I see a fire down the alley.
In a garbage can.
In a plastic garbage can.
For a split second I think about not calling 911 as I am tired.
But then the whole, saving-the neighborhood thing kicks in.
So I call 911.
After 4 rings they pick up and I inform them of the fire.
Within about a minute, the fire truck is there putting out the fire in the alley, then a girl comes running down the alley to inform us all watching the action, that there is another trash can fire.
So the group of us that has amassed goes down the block to look at the other fire.
And this fire was alot bigger than our pesky fire in the alley.
My one neighbor then continued talking about how if he would have seen the arsonist he would have popped him.
These are the people in your neighborhood.

Soup is good food!
It's true it is, and E and I have been getting really good at making it.
Weekend days= bread making and soup making.
Not to mention, homemade soup is so so good for you.
Currently frozen in our freezer; cabbage-beer stew (surprisingly delicious!), carrot-dill soup (okay, would add a thickener next time...maybe a turnip or rutabaga?), homemade mac-n-cheese (okay so it's not a soup but freezes just the same!)
This weekend I plan on making the Comet tomato soup which everyone agrees is actually better than Comet's tomato soup.

Won't you be my neighbor?
As some of you know, I serve on the board of our neighborhood association.
And this year, I am serving begrudgingly.
Maybe it's the weather, or maybe it's because I've lived here a while and just see the same stuff all the time.
Or maybe it's because most people only seem to care about the board when a road isn't paved to their liking.
Oh yes. This really happens.
I am thinking I might just not have the You-Rah-Rah CSP attitude.
So we plan this event.
Fall Fest.
And it's a big event. Mostly it's for the neighborhood kids to take part in some free activities and it's a good internal marketing for the association. I get that. I really do.
It's just SO full of kids, and not quiet church kids.
But loud, and let's be real, sometimes rude and sassy city kids.
Now there were plenty of behaved kids, a surprising amount in fact. But few parents, and literally one of the parent's was wasted. So while it is a good, there is also a twinge of sadness to the event.
Anyway. So E had to back out of his previous commitment to volunteer as he picked up a shift for two hours (see above regarding recession part III), shitty? Of course, but it's not as if the event rested solely on his shoulders, and I had alerted the board that I would not be able to help until 1-ish as I had to work that day.
So I get this email chastising me for backing out and blah blah blah. Not addressed just to me, but to the whole board. I then air our dirty laundry saying exactly what I've told you; we're broke, we come first, we need the money, etc. NOT TO mention that I told the board two months ago I had to work.
I then get an email, addressed just to me, of course, saying "I do remember you saying something about that."
Of course you do.
Now.
And I suppose it might help to mention that there was a board member who didn't show up to the event.
At all.
And as far as I could tell he didn't get any emails.
And if he did, they weren't addressed to the whole board.
In spite of this in-fighting (ha ha ha) the event went well, a scant amount of money was raised, and kids got free food, games and prizes.

Logan
The weekend prior to Fall Fest was our annual Greyhound Gala, which, much to our dismay we were unable to attend due to weddings and film festivals. According to everyone, he was going to get adopted at the gala.
He is currently napping in our t.v. room.
BUT!
He IS getting adopted this weekend.
YES!
While we have enjoyed Logan's stay with us, I truly feel he will have a great home with his new family, complete with greyhounds who actually want to play with him!
Logan has also cured me from ever thinking I could handle a puppy of any kind.
Working at the WHS has also helped me with this.

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
Yeah that's right.
I'm breaking out the Boyz II Men.
Because who doesn't love/hate that song?
So my dear friend AA accompanied me to the final Brewer game of the o9 season at Miller Park.
It was, like so many other games I've seen there this year, a loss, but we had fun. And I have to say, as cheesy as it is, it was a good feeling that although the Brewers were totally out of any playoff race, and most likely finishing under .500 at that point, and there was a Packer game on, the stadium was pretty full.
Nice work, Crew.
Now comes the off-season guessing game.
Will we trade Fielder?
Who should we trade?
Who can we get for who?
Boring to most people, but interesting for people with theories.
So I will say it here first.
Fielder doesn't go UNLESS we get two ace pitchers for him.
Not two Dave Bushes.
Not two Jeff Suppans (which only one year left on his ridick contract!)
Two CC's.
Two Sheets, but healthy Sheets.
Then, and only then, will I support a Fielder trade.

Arabian Jazz
While I'm almost done with this book, I don't recommend it to anyone. While the writer has some pretty passages, as a whole the book doesn't work and is wholly unbelievable. Nurses wearing white caps in the 90s? WHAT?!? Skip it.

Sick.
And not the way skaters say sick.
Literally.
I *kind of* had a cold two weeks ago. But I shrugged it off, got a little more sleep than usual, and plowed through. Then Saturday night came and I had a sore throat.
Sore throat?
I haven't had one of those since my tonsils were removed in the 4th grade. I painted my nails, watched some recorded television, and called it a night.
The next day I felt a little worse, but stayed in my jammies all day, cleaned the downstairs, and went to bed early.
Monday, Monday. Can't trust that day.
I sounded awful, and felt worse.
Buckets. It was bad.
I went home and even though the game of the century was on, Favre-less Packers vs. Favre-full Vikings, I went to bed.
At 6pm.
And didn't wake up until the next day.
While I didn't feel completely better.
I felt a helluva lot better.
And today I'm up at 4am, blogging.
My throat is still a bit scratchy, but all in all, better? You bet!

Dancin' Queen
Not even drunk at my cousin's wedding, but I was a dancing fool. At one point it was just me and my cousin EB dancing and singing to love shack together. After interprative dancing to "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green, my aunts told me I should be an "entertainer."
Because that is a real job.

Keys.
Yep I'm a key holder now.
This doesn't really mean anything, except I don't have to wait for people to get there, and I will be able to come in whenever I want. I also got glowing reviews, but reviews don't really mean all that much to me when no pay-raise is involved.
True.
I take some pride, but not THAT much pride.

This is Halloween!
As I'm sure most of you know. I will be throwing the annual Halloween bash this year.
BUT!
Added bonus!
MG (writer of Gerni in Mke) will be hosting part one, which is a classy-costumed potluck.
Part II is the usual debauchery and mayhem that takes place almost on a monthly basis at my house.
It is recession style so BYOB to part II, although some beer and wine will be provided.

Jeepers Creepers, where'd you get those peepers?
So I am pretty sure I was texted about incessantly on the bus yesterday. It's very rare that I ever think people are paying attention to me, but this was a little strange.
First of all, the dude appeared out of nowhere, I think he may have moved to sit closer me.
Second, either my timing was amazing, or he was literally giving somebody a play by play of everything I was doing: turning pages in my book warranted texts, tapping my foot to my ipod, yawning--kind of creepy right? Or am I just totally full of myself? Either way, I like to think of as the official start of the halloween season, creeped on on the bus.

Recession Part II; Shorty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low

Apparently, much to my shock and awe.
People read this thing.
They miss it when I don't post.
They always ask when more posts are coming.
They ask if it will continue since I am now employed.

So I will soldier on.

You may have been wondering, "What has blogger Jj been up to?"
Mostly.
I've been in a facebook war.
A facebook war with the anti-healthcare reform people.
And by anti-healthcare reform people, I mean my brother, some of his friends, and my aunt.
Mostly the argument consists of this:
If you can't afford healthcare it is because you spend your money on useless crap (extra cars, vacations, designer clothes) and really everyone should be able to budget for healthcare.
And that if we become a socialist country (I love that single payer= socialism, and I love that socialism is still a bad word), we won't get to pick which doctors we see, or what procedures to have done, and abortions! Death panels!
When a liberal like me brings up the fact that lots of things in 'Mrrrka are socialist like the fire and police departments, the USPS, the public school systems, they then bring it back to a family-budgeting issue.
So I gave up.
But I would like to say:
E and I only have one car (and it's almost paid off!), live in a place we can afford, don't buy designer clothes (hells we can't even get haircuts!), and WE haven't taken a vacation since 2002, and the $800 we spent on that vacation isn't going to help much if I needed to fix a broken leg.
I guess it's just painful to hear that people think I shouldn't have healthcare.
Because that is the bottom line.

In addition to the argument with my aunt, I have also been victim to my first facebook snub!
Can you believe it?
Aunt KB, the super anti-choice (she sends web videos!), Nobama, refused me as a friend.
Or ignored me.
I don't know.
All I know is this:
Friendship was pending, and now, I have to request all over again.
Now some of you might be saying, why would even WANT to be friends with someone like that?
Who cares?
We love Obama!
But.
She is family, number one.
I do like her, and she is pretty funny.
Sure her political alignments are all out of whack (I still don't understand how so many "Christians" are against helping the poor and un/der insured, but I decided I wouldn't play that card), and she just sent my cousin an email telling her how important it was to repent before her wedding so she can be pure for her wedding and tell her children (yep, two kids out of wedlock), that although they're here, she was still pure before god.
People, you don't even understand this, until it happens to you.
So.
I totally called her out on it.
I emailed her and said something along the lines of "Why no friend add? Thanks alot, jerkzoes." Then added something pertinent.
Bonus?
I get to see the WHOLE lot of the anti-choice Nobamas this weekend at the said non-pure wedding.
I hope they play "Low" by Flo-Rida:


Because I've had this song in my head for the past three days.
I'm a ridiculous white person.
I will probably learn the lyrics.
Yep.
I'm thinking this will be the jam for Halloween 09.
And Logan, the foster dog really seems to dig it.

Also, I may have said it before, but Bill Maher and I are of one mind.
Just sayin'
I'm very glad there is somebody famous sharing my points of view with the world.
Well done, Mr. Maher.
Well done indeed.

And who doesn't love T-Pain?

Recession Part II; Week ???

I'll figure out the week later and edit it.
And then I will have to erase this whole introduction.

But.
Back by popular demand.
It's as if the fates had this all lined up.
First the CSPBFF tells me I need to right this blog and write this blog.
Then JV, one of my old corporate coffeemates tells me she misses me.

You guys!
You really do know how to make a kid blush.

So here I am, with the grand return of VOTR.
I have to say you haven't missed all that much.
Still working, although things are starting to irritate me.
Which probably means I'm a bit too invested.
It's the midwestern in me, what can I say?

Things that have happened that I've been thinking about.
E and I are probably going to consolidate our debt, which would enable us to get out of pesky credit card debt alot sooner than if we didn't.
While we were both worried about his option at first, I realized we could keep our budget for booze/going out pretty much the same! And if we take home-booze out of the grocery budget, well. Who needs to eat when you have a box of Franzia to drink.
So I'm asking all my friends to bear with us as we navigate the waters of having (and sticking to!) a budget.

Another thing that happened that I have been thinking about is Obama's speech to Congress.
And the ridiculous outburst of Joe Wilson.
What I was REALLY excited about is there was a man being interviewed on NPR who basically said my thoughts exactly.
It's not only a ridiculous lack of respect, but if you compound this with the birthers' movement, the death panels, the nazi-sympathizers, etc, it's not just a difference of opinion. There is a deeper issue.
And I think we all know what this deeper issue is.
Color!
If this were a white male democrat, I don't think we would be having half of these issues.
Yes, we would still have those calling us libbies socialists.
But I'm convinced there would be no name calling, no birthers' movements.

And since we're on the topic of racism in American.
Serena Williams had what the press is calling a "meltdown" but what I would prefer to call "outburst" or "how I talk internally."
After missing match point at some tennis match (E will be divorcing me shortly for not knowing this), she said to the line judge, audibly "I will take this expletive ball and shove it down your expletive throat."
One of my favorite games to play after an incident like this is to think of the most ridiculous swear words:
I will take this shit ball and shove it down your ass throat.
I will take this dickie shiner ball and shove it down your thunder cunt throat (those ones actually make sense!)
What can you come up with?!
But back to the race issue.
I found this interesting because, I don't particularily like the Williams sisters.
I'm still stuck on Jennifer Capriatti.
But the fact that this was the HUGE news.
Was it because it was tennis?
Was it because it was lady tennis?
Was it because it was black lady tennis?
Most of me thinks it's because it's tennis, as John McEnroe also got alot of media attention for his "meltdowns."
But I don't think they were called meltdowns for him.
He was just an angry dude.
But ladies, or maybe just black ladies, can't be angry.
We have to have a meltdown, an emotional freakout, for us to use language that way.
Just some thoughts.

In television news:
The True Blood season finale was fantastic.
I heart that show.
And I wish vampers were real.

The Brewers are still playing baseball, and I have to say, I kind of enjoy watching baseball when every strike/hit/play doesn't mean we will/won't go to the playoffs. Now I just watch/listen for fun. And it's great.
Which I like to think makes me a True Blue Brew Crew fan.
Rhyming is fun.

I would also like to take this time to apologize to my readers for letting this dear blog fall by the wayside.
I was fairly depressed and/or sick the past couple of weeks and was in no way prepared to entertain the masses with my pithy remarks about what's going on in my world.
But you guys still love me.
Just like Jesus.

This weekend was E's film premiere.
And apparently I made a faux pas by telling the director of said film, when asked what I thought about the film, "It was better than I thought it was going to be."
Oops.
E will most likely never work in this town again.
I would like to defend myself by saying that E said this to EVERYONE he saw that night.
Everyone, except the director apparently.
Would have been nice to know that.
In more defense, I thought that having been trapped in a 40 minute phone call with this dude about film theory (after meeting him once), also entitled me to this answer.
Apparently not.

And if I ever made a film?
I would like all of you to be brutally honest with me.
Just an FYI.

My hair is getting ridiculously long, but I kind of like the side swoopiness of my bangs.
It's very Mandy Slade post-Maxwell Demon.
Which is actually a science term regarding paradox.
I learned that from Carl Sagan.

In other news, I made a delicious cinnamon-raisin bread which I had to give to my grandmother as part of her 12 month Christmas present.
But rest assured some of you will be receiving this for Christmas.
See above regarding budgets and bearing with me.

The bad news?
Summer is almost over.
But my tomatoes are growing and they are constant and delicious!
Plus I still have to harvest my carrots!
Gardening is radical.

The good news?
With summer ending comes everyone's favorite time of year.
HALLOWEEN!
Stay tuned for details.

Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little thing like you.